A new year brings new adventures and new chances to learn. Here are some of the things I learned while I was but a lad. Some of these things I learned first hand, some of them I watched others in my class do. I'm not telling which is which.
1. It's never a good idea to cut off your hair to glue it to the Mother's Day card you are making.
2. When learning new spelling words, don't write rhyming words beside them. (especially if you are learning Donald & Daffy's last name)
3. If the teacher allows you to take down the old bulletin board, don't make a giant airplane out of the background and throw it out the second story window when she leaves the room. (It just might hit the Principal)
4. During show and tell, if your Momma takes you shopping, and buys you a new slip, don't pull up your dress to show the class.
5. Even a de-scented skunk can panic a class of 2nd graders.
6.If you refuse to remove you hat, everyone will know that you got a haircut.
7. Never call a girl "fat & ugly". It may come back to haunt you in High School when she isn't.
8. Girls have cooties. (and as I grew older, I discovered that I like cooties)
9. Don't chew tobacco during class. The teacher will ask you to spit out your gum in the trashcan next to her desk. Your only option is to swallow it.
10. To some kids, action figures & dolls are the same thing. If you like to play with action figures, do it at home.
11. Glasses don't make you weird, they help you to see. Seeing is good.
12. Don't fall asleep on the bus.
13. Doing a book report on a comic book is unacceptable.
14. Kids aren't likely to believe the dyed lambskin rug you have to nap on is really the skin of a bear your Dad killed.
15. Your teacher will not wait for you to grow up so you can marry her.
16. It's OK to be the "bad guy" in the class plays.
17. The crystals in your dropped thermos aren't ice.
18. Dandruff and lice may look alike, but are different.
19. Don't lend your pencil to the kid with a cast on his leg. He wants it to scratch inside his cast, and there is a good chance the pencil will break or get lost inside the cast.
20. It is very easy to confuse a kindergarten class if you stand facing them and say "Raise your right hand" while doing it. They will mirror your actions, and raise their left hand instead. Telling them "No, that isn't right." doesn't help. It will confuse them for years to come.
Hopefully you will learn something in this new year. Can you remember anything you learned (the hard way) in elementary school?