Introducing the newest member of the clan: Sprite

Lady Lemon showed off her superpowers today by bringing a new life into the world (what superpowers do you have?). Our newest granddaughter was born today at 2:48 pm. She was 7 lb. 11 oz and 20 in. long. I can't wait to see her

Book Review: The Encyclopedia of Immaturity

Just because I turned another year older last Sunday, doesn't mean that I am one step closer to being a fuddy-duddy. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. (Sing with me "I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid")



A while back I was at Jo-Mongous Fabric With Lady Nottaguy-TYG. She was buying fabric for a dress she was making, so I wandered the store to look at all the non-fabric offerings. I wound up at the books (Imagine that!) In the books, I found a book that was most delightful. It is published by Klutz Press (And who doesn't LOVE Klutz Press offerings?). It was called The Encyclopedia of Immaturity.

It is the complete guide on how to never grow up. In the introduction, it states "The information in this volume was gathered over the course of a misspent and lifelong childhood. The sources were extremely diverse and, given the long time frame, many will have to remain nameless. In most cases they would probably insist on it anyway".

This volume contains things you did when you were a kid, and things you would have done if you had thought of them. Here are some of the offerings:

How to make noises under your arm. Hanging a spoon from your nose. How to make an air puff annoyer. Backseat rituals. Homework excuses. The wolds finest paper airplane. How to make a soda gusher. Squeeze bottle thrill machine. The paper cup honk machine. Smash a grape through you head. Marshmallow death matches. Trash talking like Shakespeare. There are about 300 others also.

The price at Jo-Mongous was in excess of $20 for the hardback edition. As much as I liked the book, I couldn't do it. However, "The Boy" recently had a book fair at his school, and guess what I found there in the paperback edition for $12. He wanted me to buy it for him. I told him that I was buying it for me, but he could read it. He got to purchase other books that he picked out.

And read it he did. I should have recorded the cackling and belly-laughing that he did while reading the book. There were time he had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. He didn't just skim over it, he devoured it, every page.

To show how much he retained, one Sunday, a few weeks ago, we went with "The Ogre" & her kids to Columbus after church. After we ate lunch, we went to Polaris shopping mall. My wife was taking "The Ogre" and "The Girl" to find some good shoes for learning to walk. (only "The Girl got the shoes). "The Boy" & I asked to be dropped at a large bookstore on the other side of the mall. There was an impatient driver behind us who didn't take kindly to someone taking 30 seconds to let someone out. "The Boy" turned and said something to the driver that was unheard by him, and Not fully heard by my wife & daughter. I knew what he said, and nearly doubled over in laughter. When they picked us up, they wanted to know what was said. My eight year grandson had said "Thou art a dankish, idle footlicker. Shakespeare would have been proud.

Flashback Friday #60

Munchkin Socks

Greetings all, It's good to be back with all (or both) of you again. Since yesterday was Mom's birthday, she gets to be the focal point of today's Flashback Friday.

She has always had a love for little ankle socks. I'm not talking about the footie style that has no sock to it. Buster Brown makes these. All they lack are the ruffles and/or bows and they would look like frilly little girl socks. The ones that she bought looked like child socks when they came out of the dryer. That's how they got the nickname around our house as"Munchkin Socks".

Mom wore these to work every day, and when she would get home, she would slip her feet out of her shoes, and dangle her shoes on her toes as she watched TV. We played a game. Sometimes I would spring from the couch (where I was generally laying on my back) and snatch one of her shoes. She would try to snatch me before I made it into the kitchen and claim victory.

One day her shoe was dangling, and I had my eye on it. In a flash, I scooped up her shoe and made a dash for the kitchen. She was expecting it, and very nearly grabbed hold of me before I even had her shoe. I made it to the kitchen, and exclaimed "I got your shoe". She then said "That's OK, I've got munchkin socks". The only problem was that when she said it, she was talking really fast, and I heard "That's OK, I've got my chicken socks".

I looked at her with puzzlement in my eyes, and asked, "Chicken Socks? How did you get chicken socks?" "Chicken Socks?" she questioned back. "Who said anything about chicken socks?" With that we both broke out into a fit of laughter that left us holding each other up and crying. From that time on, she wore chicken socks.

Needless to say we were quite amazed when we saw this a few years ago:

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my Mother's birthday. There are three of us that have birthdays within two weeks of each other. Gattaout on Oct. 26, Me on Nov. 1 and Mom on Nov. 5. She turned XX this year. (No, that's not Roman numerals, it's a nice way to say a lady's age, since the two things you never ask a lady are is "How old are you? and "How much do you weigh?")

That's Zesty, Mrs. Lemon's son, that she is holding in the picture.

Daylight Savings Wasn't Very Nice To Me

As I went to bed last night, I set the clocks back. This morning when I woke up, even though I had set the clocks back an hour, I was a year older. Made me think of Rip Van Winkle.

Scary Stuff

In the spirit of the day, I present to you some frightfully scary pictures that I found at ESPN. The following pictorial is not intended for young viewers or those who are pregnant or have heart conditions. You have been warned.



Here it is. Frightfully ugly professional sports uniforms.

This is Nate Colbert modeling the San Diego Padres' all yellow uniforms of the early 70's. He looks like a stick of margarine or a bananna wearing a batting helmet.

This is Thomas Gradin of the Vancouver Canucks wearing the uniform that they wore during the late 70 & early 80's. They should have called themselves the Vancouver Ew-Yucks.

This is Doug Williams wearing the original uniform of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Nothing says "buccaneer" like blaze orange. I wonder if Blackbeard ever wore something like this?

Here is Frank Robinson wearing the all red uniform of the Cleveland Indians of the mid 70's. That's almost as difficult to look at as the current team.

Here is Cameron Odam of the Ontario Hockey League's Kingston Frontenacs. They wore Don Cherry (announcer of Hockey Night in Canada) inspired jerseys for charity. Perhaps the charity will buy Don some new sports coats so he can throw out his collection of hideous blazers.
Chicago White Sox outfielder Ralph Garr models the ghastly uniforms worn by the team during the mid to late 70's. They even teamed up the collared uniform tops with shorts for one game. They should have blown up the uniforms during "Disco Demolition Night".

Brroks Robinson's face shows his pleasure in wearing the all orange uniforms of the Baltimore Orioles of 1971. Those uniforms look more suitable for picking up trash along the highway. What is it with teams making future Hall of Famers look ridiculous? (see Frank Robinson above)

Jose Cruz and the Houston Astros made a fashion statement that is admired today as the Astrodome (demolished) and Astroturf (should be). Does this scream "polyester" or what?
Just to prove that ugly uniforms weren't subject to the 70's, the Seattle Seahawks wore this "alternate" jersey recently. Seneca Wallace isn't running from the defensive pass rush, he's running from a mirror.
The Denver Broncos recently wore these uniforms as a a tribute to the 50th anniversary of the old AFL (which later merged with the NFL). Here D.J. Williams (left) and Champ Bailey remind every about the frightening consequences of vertical striped socks. According to legend, the first year Broncos operated on a shoe string budget and were offered the uniforms from a college all-star game. After the first year, they socks were replace, except for one that was framed, and hung in the owners office.

I hope I didn't blind you, or emotionally scar you for life with these pictures.

Flashback Friday #59

The Pool Table

Hi all, and welcome back.

Have you ever had a piece of furniture that you really didn't have room for? A piece that just didn't fit in? We had such a piece with the pool table that Dad bought at a friend's yard sale. Can you pass up a pool table for only $20? Dad couldn't. It came complete with sticks, balls, chalks & rack. It was a fantastic bargain, but just where did we have room to put it?

Let's see, how about the living room? It has a couch, two arm chairs, and the rather large console TV. It won't fit there.

How about the eat-in-kitchen. Stove,check. Refrigerator, check. Dinette set, check. Could we substitute the pool table for the dining..., oh never mind. No room here.

Bathroom? Um, No.

The only other room downstairs is Mom & Dad's bedroom. Unless Dad is willing to sleep on the pool table, that's not happening. Note, I said Dad, not Mom.

Where can it go? I know, let's put it upstairs in Nottaguy's room. Gattabout's room has too much stuff in it. So the pool table was carried up the stairs (ever carry a pool table up the stairs? It's not easy), and set up in MY bedroom. Who doesn't fantasize about having a pool table in their bedroom?

With the pool table in my room, my single bed had to go. (Actually it was a fold-away frame with no mattress, just a folded quilt for a mattress)It was replaced with a hide-a-bed sofa. When I wasn't asleep, the bed was put into the sofa so folks could play pool. The sofa was put into the side of the room that had the sloping ceiling. Don't get out of bed too fast or you'll crack your head.

Did I mention that the room that now held the pool table had a sloping ceiling? This meant that you had to create some interesting angles due to not having enough room to properly hold the cue sticks. The walls were somewhat close too. Many a time cues were held almost vertical (that's up & down for those of you not in the know) to take a shot. If a piece of furniture was in you way of shooting, you either tried a different shot, or moved the furniture. My room was never the same two days in a row.

In addition to the guys of my family playing pool, just about everyone who knew us played at least one game on it. Aunt Shelly's kids were over several days a week to play. Gattabout had friends over. I had friends over. My bedroom became a regular pool hall.

One thing Dad hadn't anticipated about putting the pool table in my bedroom was the weight distribution on the old floors upstairs. Our house was over 100 years old, and the floors weren't intended to take the weight of something as heavy as a slate pool table. The floor began to sag in the middle, and the balls would tend to favor one side of the table over the other. The pool table was going to have to go.

Dad told a friend of his about the dilemma we were facing. He said that he had a very large garage and would love to have a pool table. Dad sold it to him for the $20 that he paid for it.

Did you ever buy something, then wonder what you were going to do with it once you got home?