Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
When I first came up with the Sir Nottaguy-Imadad persona, I thought to myself "How am I going to address my wife on my blog?" I liked the whole medieval theme so I decided that she must be a Lady (which she is).
But the name"Lady Nottaguy" did nothing for me. I thought for a moment, and said to myself, "I'm very glad she's not a guy." Then the light bulb clicked on like you see in the comics. I would use the name Lady Nottaguy -TYG (the TYG is an acronym for Thank You God!) Regardless to what my kids say, I am a guy, and I couldn't even imagine being married to one.
Today is our 24th wedding anniversary. She should be admired for the fact that she has tolerated me all this time.I tell her that we have a strange and wonderful relationship. I'm strange and she's wonderful. When people tell her how funny her husband is, she rolls her eyes, lets out a sigh and says "You don't have to live with him." Thank you my dear for making my life complete.
Proverbs 18:22 - He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My cousin's wife said the presence of babies at the funeral (there was also a three month old), put life in perspective. As we were honoring the dead at the front of the room, new life could be heard at the back.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
I was in the fifth or sixth grade when I made a remarkable discovery. Girls. (I wonder if the new glasses had anything to do with it?) Girls used to be icky, and had cooties and were general nuisances. I woke up one morning, and all that had changed.
The first girl I really fell head over heels for was a petite blonde in my class named Elenore Denise Abrams. (Don't worry, I very rarely, if ever use any one's real name on my blog. She could be reading now and not know it)I was sure that she was an angel in human form. I even told my brother that I thought she was cute.
MISTAKE!!!!! A word of warning for those of you who may be entering the time of life I am describing. Don't tell your older brother anything about it. My brother must have been suffering from some type of hearing deficiency. What I told him was "There is a girl in my class named Elenore, and I think she is cute. What he heard was " I am madly in love with a girl named Elenore and I want you to tease and torment me about it until the ends of eternity". As I would enter a room, he would turn on his tape recorder and sing into it "Nottaguy loves Elenore Abrams, oh yes he really does". When I would run over to protest, he would flick the microphone off with his thumb, unbeknown to me. Anytime there was a wedding on TV, he would ask if my wedding with Elenore was going to look like that. He was unmerciful. Years afterwards I would still hear of my love for Elenore from him.
Since I was short, fat & wore spectacles, I wasn't what she was looking for in a long term relationship (or even short term). The fact of the matter was, most of the girls weren't looking my way, but that was OK. The one that did like me, I called "a fat thing" (like I had room to talk), and she said little else to me up until the day we graduated.
Another girl I took a liking to was Annie Angle. She was taller than Elenore, brunette, with a smile that would melt your heart. After she would melt your heart, it made you just like her, heartless. At our school, you sent valentines to all your classmates, not just the ones you liked (like in Happy Valentine's Day Charlie Brown). I opened the valentine from her and was crushed. It pictured an elephant holding a heart in it's trunk. Off to the right was my name and an arrow pointing to the elephant. Kids don't realize just how hurtful they can be. I would have rather not received a valentine from her, like Charlie Brown, than to receive one that insulted me.
Well, I graduated with both girls (Elenore had been going by her middle name Denise since 7th grade). I haven't seen Annie since graduation (no loss). I ran into Denise at a graduation party. It seems that the mother of my son-in-law (the Woodsman) is Denise's cousin. (cue "It's A Small World After All") She came up to me and asked if I remembered who she was. I smiled and replied "Yes, you used to be Elenore Denise Abrams. I don't know what your married name might be." Her eyes got big and she said "I haven't been called Elenore in years."
I discovered that when your heart breaks, It will mend. If either of these relationships had panned out, Lady Nottaguy-TYG and I wouldn't be celebrating 24 years of marital bliss this month. Check out the Flashback Friday Carnival dealing with "Love, look at the two of us" at My Tiny Kingdom.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Breakfast, black coffee, one slice of dry toast,
no butter, no jelly no jam.
Lunch, just some lettuce, a few celery stalks,
no submarine sandwich with ham.
Dinner, one chicken wing, broiled not fried,
no gravy, no biscuits, no pie.
And this diet and diet and diet and diet, it sure is a rough way to die.
So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune,
one glass of skim milk and that's all.
Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial
is driving me straight up the wall.
I'm thinking of french fries, sausage and waffles,
spaghetti and cookies and cake.
And each night I'm dreamin'
of chocolate ice creamin'.
I'm starving to death when I wake.
All for your sake.
Well, you're fixing the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes,
but it's bullion and water for me.
And you've got a lock on the refrigerator,
Lord knows where you're hiding the key.
And while I am starving for food late at night,
I'm starving for loving from you,
But you say that when I can see my own feet,
that you'll be glad to look at me too.
So, supper two pieces of cauliflower,
a beef stick the size of a nail.
A wedge of tomato, a small glass of water,
I swear I'd eat better in jail.
Stop eating that pizza right under my nose,
dear that's the least you can do,
And put down that candy bar while I am speaking,
I'm starving to death just for you.
And when I am dead, with the insurance paid,
You'll look down at me and you'll grin.
And you'll say"Well dear you tried, and you starved and you died,
But don't you look good when you're thin."
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
1. Assistant Coaches - ministerial staff and Sunday School teachers.
2 .Bench Warmer - an inactive church member.
3. Blocking - standing in the church door complaining to the pastor about his morning sermon.
4. Cheerleaders - ladies complimenting the preacher on the sermon.
5. Clipping - what the church historian is always doing.
6. Cornerbacks - those who occupy the back pews.
7. Dead Heat - a lukewarm church member waking up in the middle of a dynamic and colorful sermon on hell.
8. Draft Choice - the decision to sit close to a heating vent in winter or an air conditioning vent in summer.
9. Draw Play - what restless children do during a long sermon.
10. End Around - diaper changing time in the nursery.
11. End Run - a child who successfully escapes both parents and ushers on his way out of church.
12. End Zone - the pews.
13. Extra Point - what you receive when you tell the preacher the sermon was too short.
14. Fair Catch - holding the offering plate in front of each member until money is placed in it.
15. Field Goal - when Sunday School and worship attendance is above average.
16. Final Gun - the benediction.
17. Forward Motion - the invitation at an evangelistic service.
18. Fullback - what the choir, seated behind the preacher, sees while the sermon is delivered.
19. Fumble - a lousy sermon.
20. Ground Crew - custodians
21. Guards - those who guard and defend the standards of the church because they cannot live up to them.
22. Halftime Entertainment - beautiful music presented during the offering.
23. Head Coach - the pastor.
24. Holding Penalty - result of church members who believe nothing can be done about anything.
25. Huddle - weekly meeting of the church gossip team.
26. Illegal Motion - leaving before the benediction.
27. Illegal Use of Hands - clapping at an inappropriate point in the service.
28. Incomplete Pass - a dropped offering plate.
29. In The Pocket - where too many church members keep God's tithe and their offerings.
30. Interference - whispering and talking during the sermon.
31. Nose Guard - a nursery worker during the flu season.
32. Pass Interference - what Mama does with her eyes when she sees Johnny writing a note to his friends in church.
33. Passing Game - the maneuver required of latecomers when the person sitting at the end of the pew won't slide to the middle.
34. Quarterback - what tightwads want after putting fifty cents in the offering.
35. Quarterback Sneak - Sunday School officers and teachers entering the building five minutes after Sunday School begins.
36. Tackle - when an alert usher does when a child is sneaking out of the service.
37. Three Point Stance - being present, on time, with your Bible in hand.
38. Through the Uprights - getting things done via the elders or church board.
39. Touchdown- When the sermon connects with the entire congregation.
40. Two Minute Warning - the Chairman of the Board sitting on a front row pew, taking a look at his watch in full view of the preacher.
My Thanks to the Gospel Greats newsleter for this tidbit.