Super Bowl Sunday School

With this being Super Bowl Sunday, I thought I might share how some football terms apply to Sunday School:

1. Assistant Coaches - ministerial staff and Sunday School teachers.

2 .Bench Warmer - an inactive church member.

3. Blocking - standing in the church door complaining to the pastor about his morning sermon.

4. Cheerleaders - ladies complimenting the preacher on the sermon.

5. Clipping - what the church historian is always doing.

6. Cornerbacks - those who occupy the back pews.

7. Dead Heat - a lukewarm church member waking up in the middle of a dynamic and colorful sermon on hell.

8. Draft Choice - the decision to sit close to a heating vent in winter or an air conditioning vent in summer.

9. Draw Play - what restless children do during a long sermon.

10. End Around - diaper changing time in the nursery.

11. End Run - a child who successfully escapes both parents and ushers on his way out of church.

12. End Zone - the pews.

13. Extra Point - what you receive when you tell the preacher the sermon was too short.

14. Fair Catch - holding the offering plate in front of each member until money is placed in it.

15. Field Goal - when Sunday School and worship attendance is above average.

16. Final Gun - the benediction.

17. Forward Motion - the invitation at an evangelistic service.

18. Fullback - what the choir, seated behind the preacher, sees while the sermon is delivered.

19. Fumble - a lousy sermon.

20. Ground Crew - custodians

21. Guards - those who guard and defend the standards of the church because they cannot live up to them.

22. Halftime Entertainment - beautiful music presented during the offering.

23. Head Coach - the pastor.

24. Holding Penalty - result of church members who believe nothing can be done about anything.

25. Huddle - weekly meeting of the church gossip team.

26. Illegal Motion - leaving before the benediction.

27. Illegal Use of Hands - clapping at an inappropriate point in the service.

28. Incomplete Pass - a dropped offering plate.

29. In The Pocket - where too many church members keep God's tithe and their offerings.

30. Interference - whispering and talking during the sermon.

31. Nose Guard - a nursery worker during the flu season.

32. Pass Interference - what Mama does with her eyes when she sees Johnny writing a note to his friends in church.

33. Passing Game - the maneuver required of latecomers when the person sitting at the end of the pew won't slide to the middle.

34. Quarterback - what tightwads want after putting fifty cents in the offering.

35. Quarterback Sneak - Sunday School officers and teachers entering the building five minutes after Sunday School begins.

36. Tackle - when an alert usher does when a child is sneaking out of the service.

37. Three Point Stance - being present, on time, with your Bible in hand.

38. Through the Uprights - getting things done via the elders or church board.

39. Touchdown- When the sermon connects with the entire congregation.

40. Two Minute Warning - the Chairman of the Board sitting on a front row pew, taking a look at his watch in full view of the preacher.

My Thanks to the Gospel Greats newsleter for this tidbit.