Blog Post #100 is My First Post--huh?

To celebrate my 100th blog post, I am posting the first blog post I ever wrote (on my wife's blog). This was written 5/11/07. I didn't begin my own blog until August of '08.





Greeting friends. This is WonderHusband sitting in behind the golden keyboard of "My World and Welcome To It".There have been several requests (at least one) to hear the stories behind "the shovel" references posted here and on my oldest daughter's blog. Without further ado, here they are:



It all began when I overheard a good friend of mine(you know who you are DM) talking about possibly having to plant his daughter's boyfriend in the backyard. I found that remark hilarious, and I placed it in my tiny little mind for future reference.It was used in passing with my oldest daughter's boyfriends, but when my youngest daughter started dating, it was used with a vengeance.



My youngest took a liking to a young man that was invited to church by a friend of hers. When he first came over to our house to make "the introductions" and to ask if he could date my daughter, he got more than he reckoned for. I have always believed that when a young man is dating a young woman, he must do two things: love her momma, and fear her daddy. My wife was cordial to him. I looked at him and said" I will tell you right now, I don't have a gun, so I can't shoot you, but, I do have a shovel, and I know how to use it. You're about six feet tall, if anything happens between you and my daughter, I will dig a hole about 5 1/2 feet deep and stand you in it. I will then turn loose the dogs. When they are finished, I will get out the lawnmower and finish the job. If you think I am kidding, you look into my eyes and tell me I kidding." The look I gave him would have frightened a grizzly bear



.That didn't frighten him off, but every time he came over to pick her up, I would ask him "Am I going to have to get the shovel out tonight?". He would reply"No sir.". This conversation was repeated more times than I can count. One day we moved to a different house, and he was helping us move. It was about five degrees outside and the ground was quite frozen. While carrying in some boxes, he commented "Looks like I won't have to worry about the shovel for awhile.". Without missing a beat, I turned, looked him straight in the eyes and growled "This house has a dirt basement.". His eyes got as wide as a redneck's belt buckle, and he shrieked "You never stop thinking about that, do you?". Looking him in the eyes, I said " Don't you EVER think that I stop thinking about it.".



While we lived in that house I devised several ways to torment him, but my wife wouldn't let me. I was going to dig a grave size hole in the basement(leaving the shovel in the mound of dirt, of course) and cause the circuit breaker to blow (this was done very easily). I was then going to give him a flashlight and ask him to go to the basement and flip the breaker. The howls that would have resounded from the basement would have been priceless. Then for April Fool's Day (which is also his birthday) I was going to stick the shovel in the driveway with a note attached that simply read " I found out. You're dead." "How can you do that to that sweet boy?" my wife would ask. I would tell her "He's got to know what he's getting into if they plan to marry. I don't want him telling her a month into their marriage"Your family is nuts.



"Well, they did make plans to wed, and on the wedding day, our pastor asked me what were the most vivid memories I had of the bride & groom. I told him of my daughter, I remember when I married her mother, she was three and her sister about 4 1/2. They walked my wife down the aisle, and when they got to the front, she let go of momma's hand and ran up and wrapped herself around my leg. Of the groom, I told him the shovel story. During the ceremony, he told the story of my daughter and added, that like then, she was leaving what was familiar to cling to a new man in her life. He then told the shovel story. None of his family had ever heard any part of it, and they about rolled out of the pews with laughter. The pastor then reached behind him into a curtain and brought out a brand new shovel and presented it to the bride & groom with the statement "It goes to show that you can stay pure in this world if you are motivated". The guests roared. It seems that after I told him the story, he slipped out and went to a nearby hardware store to buy the shovel he presented.



I still have "the shovel". I've used it many time for gardening and landscaping. I've never had to use it for "any other purpose", but I want you to look me in the eyes, and tell me that I won't.