What's that word again?

The Washington Post has submitted it's winning submissions to it's yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

Here are my favorites:

Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Gargoyle (n.) olive flavored mouthwash

Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.

Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp

Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

The Washington Post's Style invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Again, here are my favorites:

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows no sign of breaking down in the near future.

Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.

Decafalon(n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you are eating.