Book Review: The Encyclopedia of Immaturity

Just because I turned another year older last Sunday, doesn't mean that I am one step closer to being a fuddy-duddy. Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. (Sing with me "I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid")



A while back I was at Jo-Mongous Fabric With Lady Nottaguy-TYG. She was buying fabric for a dress she was making, so I wandered the store to look at all the non-fabric offerings. I wound up at the books (Imagine that!) In the books, I found a book that was most delightful. It is published by Klutz Press (And who doesn't LOVE Klutz Press offerings?). It was called The Encyclopedia of Immaturity.

It is the complete guide on how to never grow up. In the introduction, it states "The information in this volume was gathered over the course of a misspent and lifelong childhood. The sources were extremely diverse and, given the long time frame, many will have to remain nameless. In most cases they would probably insist on it anyway".

This volume contains things you did when you were a kid, and things you would have done if you had thought of them. Here are some of the offerings:

How to make noises under your arm. Hanging a spoon from your nose. How to make an air puff annoyer. Backseat rituals. Homework excuses. The wolds finest paper airplane. How to make a soda gusher. Squeeze bottle thrill machine. The paper cup honk machine. Smash a grape through you head. Marshmallow death matches. Trash talking like Shakespeare. There are about 300 others also.

The price at Jo-Mongous was in excess of $20 for the hardback edition. As much as I liked the book, I couldn't do it. However, "The Boy" recently had a book fair at his school, and guess what I found there in the paperback edition for $12. He wanted me to buy it for him. I told him that I was buying it for me, but he could read it. He got to purchase other books that he picked out.

And read it he did. I should have recorded the cackling and belly-laughing that he did while reading the book. There were time he had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. He didn't just skim over it, he devoured it, every page.

To show how much he retained, one Sunday, a few weeks ago, we went with "The Ogre" & her kids to Columbus after church. After we ate lunch, we went to Polaris shopping mall. My wife was taking "The Ogre" and "The Girl" to find some good shoes for learning to walk. (only "The Girl got the shoes). "The Boy" & I asked to be dropped at a large bookstore on the other side of the mall. There was an impatient driver behind us who didn't take kindly to someone taking 30 seconds to let someone out. "The Boy" turned and said something to the driver that was unheard by him, and Not fully heard by my wife & daughter. I knew what he said, and nearly doubled over in laughter. When they picked us up, they wanted to know what was said. My eight year grandson had said "Thou art a dankish, idle footlicker. Shakespeare would have been proud.